my inner voice has taken
an unexpected leave of absence
forcing me to think for myself
for an indeterminable amount of time
perhaps she has taken wing
joining the fight to end inequality
whether right here at home
or half a world away
desperately alone without her
I pray without asking a single thing
cunningly convincing myself
she is finally being heard
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
isolate and medicate
seems to be the order of the day
did you see what she said
telling him outright
he’s no longer wanted here
not after what he’s done
and so he put his tail
back where it probably belongs
keeping his tongue in cheek
and hitting the pavement
without any plan of action
it’s hard to say who he may
infect in the days that follow
second chances don’t always
keep presenting themselves
this much she knows
thankful that tomorrow
can rain as much as it wants
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
memorial day is like forever
and a day ago
flipping through pages
and talking to myself
thinking about taking a drive
out in the country like we used to do
stopping for a slice of pizza
and pint of beer where
highways 1 & 66 intersect
you were always ready to go
whether rain or shine
even on the worst of days
you would say ‘let’s saddle up’
and off we went as if
both of us temporarily hadn’t
a care in the world
fm radio pumping out old rock
your voice forever in my ear
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
all the seats are empty
but that’s not stopping the runners
on first
& second
from stretching their lead
the pitcher steps off the rubber
and everyone
relaxes
somebody’s yelling ‘cold beer here’
but more than likely
it’s just piped-in recording
from last september
everyone seems to be more focused
than usual
as if some sort of fever has taken
its toll over the game
and each & every at bat
has more meaning
than any year in recent memory
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
some places are easier to revisit than others
especially difficult are those borderline vagaries
not easily accessible from your memory bank
I’ve been told don’t overspend on a time machine
especially when the one you already possess
is perfectly capable of reaching a higher level
not everyone is interested in propelling forward
or tumbling centuries backwards
slightly redoing this or tinkering with that
gradually stitching your wings until repaired
certain to change the course of history
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
testing one two three
she repeats sliding closer
to the microphone
fists slightly clenched & by her side
she’s been learning to breathe
while singing for some years now
self-taught she tells people
like a master artist without a mentor
or any formal training
there is no one around
which can only mean one thing
and so she resumes painting a brighter future
one in which the world knows her name
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
it’s not like I’ve been isolated before
self-medicated & anxious
peering through the slightest peephole
finding a world reluctantly retrograding
all the while reassuring myself
this is not the loneliest day of my life
a knock on the door but nobody’s there
all the king’s men having retreated
either by foot or on horseback
carrying with them expired identities
and ill-gotten warrants
any day now perhaps it will be tomorrow
all locked doors will be safe to open
and the fever & the fear & the hatred
will have become a thing of the past
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
why do they keep holding me back
first dropping me to my knees
and then wrestling me to my stomach
for some reason I divert the pain
by asking myself
what did Stevie Nicks mean
when she sang
you would never break the chain
I may not be suffocating
but my hands are now behind my back
and they’re using some sort of device
to make sure they stay that way
people all around me are filmmakers
shouting out demand after demand
but all I can hear is Stevie Nicks
singing in the background
you would never break the chain
(never break the chain)
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
first thing in the morning
the stage will be set
and I will be the principal actor
lying flat on my back
waiting to be anesthetized
an ever growing crowd
quietly fills the twenty thousand
seats of the amphitheater
the acoustics so perfect
I can hear an infant sleeping
later I would be told
my heart was entirely exposed
entertaining all the spectators
by beating in perfect rhythm
in someone else’s hands
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
something wakes me up
after only a few hours of sleep
rising to my feet in darkness
somehow feeling fully recharged
at two or three in the morning
who is there I ask
and what could you possibly want
at this hour of the day
preventing me from entering
the next stage of sleep
where I am accustomed to consulting
with the dead & the living
guest spirits guiding me
toward the eastern light
but now I live in a different world
left to wander on someone else’s terms
sometimes solving complex problems
but mostly stuck inside a foxhole
attempting to outlast the pounding
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
you weren’t there
and it’s very difficult to describe
but I will try anyway
you see I’m always in the park
just as the sun is setting
playing this old guitar
a flamenco with nylon strings
practicing old exercises
silently humming along
there are plenty of outside forces
attempting to influence my perceptions
but in my case it’s someone
I recently & ever so briefly knew
[that is] the original owner
of this beautiful instrument
the very one that leads me here
back to this very place
daring me to finish her story
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
sometimes you say things
and as the very words filter through
already you’re kicking yourself
why would you even go there
quickly discovering by doing so
will likely trigger an adverse reaction
it’s like setting yourself on fire
and so what do you do
but return to a world that once was
unable to speak what’s on your mind
a simple but caustic affirmation
that you’re still a child in disguise
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
waiting on a storm that never arrives
anticipating & wanting
a need so strong that when
nothing ever happens
the disappointment weighs heavily
when the storm collapses upon itself
the impending relief is thwarted
leaving you once again
back in the throes of misery
one of which may never go away
the morning sun is heavy
the dewpoint remarkably high
going out into the world is inadvisable
and so you sit quietly
waxing your wings like a damselfly
waiting for the next system to develop
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
I’ve no feelings left
I am like an earthworm
effortlessly tunneling
toward a brilliant destination
purposely thoughtless
I am content in my present state
industriously moving forward
unknowingly linking together
two disparate points
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
listen carefully
the birds in the air are many
and you’re missing so many of them
in another life you were
a cardinal or a crow or a sparrow
going about your fabulous business
as if there’s no tomorrow
but of course you don’t
remember those days other
than a song or two or three
that for some reason keep
challenging your long term memory
tomorrow it will be monday
which means you’ll be fishing again
casting your line at lock & dam thirteen
and forgetting about the past
only focused on the task at hand
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
it’s impossible to understand
how I’ve been removing things
at such a remarkable clip
one by one & bit by bit
certain past scenarios
are better left to themselves
not completely erased
but residing on a backup server
locally partitioned like a prisoner
these days nearly everything
needs constant recharging
queerly similar to sleep & dreams
vague reminders of past scenes
& occasional future events
floating freely in the open air
july two thousand twenty
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved
jdubqca 