poetry by j matthew waters

Archive for the tag “suicide”

tendencies & interpretations

I’ve been smoking weed again
for reasons I can’t explain
whether sitting in a folding chair
or spread out
on the davenport of despair

yes I say to anyone
who bothers to ask me
I’ve been shaving my legs again
dreaming of being back in Athens
in the year two thousand

mornings are dark again & suicidal
tendencies have returned
to my stream of consciousness
right along with hot chocolate
& knee-high leather boots

images trigger recollections
subject to interpretation
reminding how I used to call you
anytime twenty-four seven
but as of late your number
remains disconnected

october two thousand twenty-one
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved

nine of spades

he shuffled the deck as quickly
as he talked
telling stories about kings and queens
and barbers in the castle
something about the three jacks
hanging out at the fire station
playing checkers with their pals

pick a card he said
proceeding to ramble on about the
price of milk and gasoline and
disposable razors

did you look at your card he asked

yeah I looked at my card I said

keeping the card face down I
slid it back into the deck
certain he didn’t see it

he shuffled the cards and shuffled
them again and continued to
shuffle the shit out of them
as he went on and on
babbling about how man never
really landed on the moon
how fairy tales used to scare him straight
and how the pope was really lucifer
having the time of his life

he splayed the deck across the table
and I could see my card but it was mostly
covered by the king of hearts

when I looked up he had stopped talking
and was just staring at me

what’s wrong I asked him

nothing’s wrong with me he said
but I’d like to know how long
you’re planning on hiding your
misfortune behind the suicide king

july two thousand fourteen
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved

judgment day

I opened up the text app
and swiftly texted with two thumbs

I just killed someone

while waiting for a reply
I checked the scores on my sports app

you didn’t
said the incoming text

I did
I texted back

I paused and lifted my eyes

first I thought and then I texted
you haven’t lived until you killed

I opened up the music app
and decided to listen to lennon sing
happiness is a warm gun

when the song ended I looked
around and noticed
I was no longer alone

soon to be judged by so many
I waited in silence for the
incoming wave of endless pings

april two thousand fourteen
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved

missing you

innocence is regrettably lost
when exposed to a virtual world
bent on glorifying decadence
through intense selfishness
where powerfully dark forces
can bring an angel to her knees
sending her somersaulting
beyond gravitational forces
that keep this planet in place

october two thousand twelve
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved

the sad tavern

we talked for hours
after the football game
starting where we left off
thirty years ago

we sat in the very same
booth, where in the day
i wrote short stories
while putting down pints

sometimes we’d sit
at the bar and chain-smoke
sipping on coffee
in between classes

you haven’t changed a bit
she said, laughing;
a reminder how she loved
to tell white lies

once in the corner
on a cold rainy night
i wept like a baby
ruining my story

after hearing the news
you searched me out
held me in your arms
until the bar closed

you know, she said,
you’ll meet her again
and her beauty
will take you away

melancholy struck me
as she covered my wrist
with her hands,
closing her eyes

august two thousand twelve
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved


flatfooted on the edge
of a supersized
new york city highrise
i calmly stand tall
like an olympian diver
slowly rising to her toes
before falling into twisted
recollections of fetal positions
and outstretched arms
a trail of shuttering thumbnails
racing faster and faster
until forever buried
below the water’s wake

august two thousand twelve
copyright j matthew waters
all rights reserved

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